Another Reason Why Orthodoxy Is Where I'm Supposed to Be

Recently, in addition to reading and watching the many things our own priests publish and post on a near-daily basis, I have started reading the daily meditations of Abbot Tryphon, igumen (head) of the All-Merciful Saviour Monastery on Vashon Island, Washington. He is clearly a very serene, peaceful man and his posts are such as that - even when they discuss serious issues of our times or difficult topics. He does so with a purpose of enlightening you and helping you manage these trying times while saving your soul. Our local priests do so as well. We are very blessed indeed and the times are darkening, but that does not mean our souls or our internal senses of peace must even as we prepare for what is surely about to get much worse. This may sound contradictory and impossible to reconcile. It is not. 

Today, the good Abbot's post really hit home with me. The title, "The Church, Like a Forest, Provides Needed Oxygen" is so very, very true. He compares the feeling he has in a forest with that in a church. He talks of praying while hiking and the various fathers, priests, and monks who went out into nature to pray, start monasteries, find peace. 

I feel the same about forests and mountains and peace and always have. Toby feels that way about deserts. I have come to appreciate the desert in ways I could not before Toby and I started traveling more and especially traveling out West. We are not sunbathing-on-the-beach people (although I can always appreciate rocky cliffs along the ocean). It seems there are not many monasteries founded on beaches, but in deserts and mountains. I feel very peaceful in the mountains and have had such a desire to travel this summer and get a little taste of a peace I can only find there. I think we all have missed traveling this summer. Things have not worked out for us to do so. Some things are in the works that may allow that late this year or early next, but so far, it has not been possible. I am grateful for our time in both the deserts and mountains of Arizona this past Spring Break on a lovely weeklong trip to Sedona and intend to post about that some time soon. 

Back to this mediation, there is a way about Orthodoxy that does not exist in the other religions I've been in. It's hard to explain. But the way people are taught to strive to holiness and fight their temptations (sins), the focus on peace and spirituality (not just going through motions and checking off holy boxes), is just very different. There is also a genuine acknowledgement of and appreciation for nature and how we interact with it and its effect on us - spiritually and otherwise. Again, it's all very hard to describe. Orthodoxy is not summed up in a blog. It is something that must be experienced over as long a time as you can. There is a quietness about it. A calmness. At least as we've been blessed to experience it, there is not the constant dissension and strife and arguments over the most mundane trappings of the faith. Perhaps that's out there. I'm almost certain it is in some quarters, but unlike my prior experiences in other religions, that is certainly not a big focus or what is emphasized. I've found it far easier to find things to read like Abbot Tryphon and good quality books than the other end of the spectrum and I am grateful. There are problems, for certain. And, they will get worse in every religion. But it does us no good to dwell endlessly on them, for that changes nothing. I only recently have come to understand this better. It's not that you don't care or have given up. It's that we do far better to do our best to live as we should - with increased prayer, fasting, spiritual reading, and efforts to do more and better all the time in our fight about our own passions, temptations, and vices. We cannot wear ourselves down with the external things that only suck the life out of us. We need to build ourselves up as best we can. Genuine peace in the midst of chaos is possible. Best to work on that now. 

I'm happy to say that it is true also that I am able to feel this same peace that the Abbot describes at church. That was not always the case. More often than not, in my entire life as a Christian, that was rarely the case. I remember too many occasions where I came home from church (whether I was a Methodist or Catholic) and was angry or irritated by something said that was doctrinally incorrect and far too often wen I just felt spiritually empty even after a good service even with clergy that I liked and admired in both religions. Sometimes I'd feel good. But I think looking back now, I always sensed something was missing. Then life got very complicated and difficult and trying. I found that when I needed it most, I had no spiritual reserves. No resources. The prayers that I'd been taught brought me no peace, no spiritual comfort. Then I lost the ability to pray. 

But I will never forget how after struggling to pray - being unable to for so many years - I was easily able to without even realizing it during my very first service at our Russian Orthodox parish in August of 2018. I described that a bit here. While that ease has not always stayed with me - generally it's harder for me because I simply do not give the time and focus to prayer as I do other things (which is very, very wrong; I'm still a work in progress) - that moment was very much the beginning of - perhaps, more accurately, a continuation of - a journey begun maybe even decades prior that I did not recognize until that moment. I experienced something quite profound at that moment - a kind of peace I've never felt anywhere else under any other circumstances - that told me I was absolutely in the right place. Not a refugee from something else seeking a place to ride out the storm to return to where I came from later. This was a genuine, true conversion to something on a different plane. Of course, ultimately we converted and were confirmed as Russian Orthodox. 

My only regret is that I was not able to see the path sooner. But we are all on our journeys and every step has some purpose. Even our mistakes and missteps along the way have some purpose. Thanks Be to God that He can help us through it all. I still have so much to learn. I pray poorly and fast probably even poorer. There is much I do not understand yet and plenty I probably don't even know I don't know. Lately, it's been harder to find time (or energy) to read as I should. I am still learning about the new (to me) saints and the different Liturgical Calendar and practices and traditions. But I am largely undaunted in that regard. Because that calm peace and guidance that comes from this faith, my Spiritual Father, and the others I choose to read and follow is there for me if I don't reject it and can be with me whether I'm able to explain or know every nuance or not. There's something far more spiritual here that is sufficient, I think, even as we strive to learn and do more. It's OK to be where you are and humbly take it all in... I wish I could explain it better. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy Abbot Tryphon's posts and find nourishment in them as I do. Please check out our parish's Facebook and YouTube pages (linked above). Our Priest Seraphim is particularly prolific and you will learn a great deal, be comforted, and I think, find some peace yourself. 

Thanks for reading!