What Is It Like to Really Not Care?

The Scream
By Edvard Munch - National Gallery of Norway, Public Domain

I'm an attorney. I live in a world of deadlines, pressure, stress, people whose lives have been irreparably harmed by someone else or some defective product and will never be the same and it's my job to help them, those who think they aren't owed restitution and sometimes will do anything to see that the people I'm helping don't get what they deserve, and all the personalities who work with, for, and on behalf of everyone in between. I work with and for stressed out people who also have personal lives and children and families and concerns in addition to the ones we share with our work. I'm also a homeschooler which means that there is a certain amount of drama in that world. (It's a socially complex world, it turns out.) Then there is the pro-life world and the Culture of Death and that can be at times stressful especially when I am called to engage on various levels. It is life and death. And, it's very much a spiritual war we wage as well - externally and internally. Anyway, every part of my world has aspects of stress in it. It's not an entirely stressful existence, but has that potential - especially if I let it. But primarily - by and large - work is the place where I observe these things the most as you might expect. 

Once in a while, I come across - or more often (thankfully) hear about - people who can literally miss a deadline and completely screw up a case, not get their parts done which delays things that cannot or should not be delayed, do a halfway job on something that demanded more attention, completely mess up a carefully laid out strategy, and are just completely unfazed by this. Completely. Unfazed. It's not that a mistake was made or that the work was sloppy that I find the most curious; for we all do that no matter how much care we try to take. But when there is literally no concern or care at all...What is that? 

I've noticed this my entire professional career....actually, I noticed it during group projects and junior high and high school (and, of course, it happens in other professions and I hear about that as well). There are always those who will take a lunch break or just go to bed at their usual time when we're on the verge of missing a deadline and leave those of us who won't eat, sleep, drink, or go to the bathroom until it's done to do it. Maybe they aren't stressed because they've somehow managed to surround themselves with people who will pick up the slack? I've not yet been able to completely figure this out. These are probably the people who grow up and do this professionally as well. People are creatures of habit. 

I'll be the first to admit that I take everything way too seriously. I stay up at night at times worried about serious stuff, but oftentimes that anxiety seems to manifest over very small things. I always know it's not really setting the dentist appoint that's worrying me but the other things that are going on. Or the number of things going on. 

When there are a lot of moving parts and details, I am very worried about missing something, as you know if you've read especially my earlier posts. I like things done properly and on time (at least when it comes to things other than making non-work appointments on time). I completely recognize that that is not always a good thing. It can be a struggle for me to turn off that part of me and have a good time when it's time. Toby is a big help to me in this regard. And, through his help and other measures I've taken (including starting this blog so I am more focused on the less stressful, positive things in my life; of which there are many), I'm a great deal better than I used to be. 

But I often wonder: What is it like to be the person who cannot be bothered at all about anything big or little? Is their life just a mess? Do things magically work out for them? Do they even notice it? 

I admit that it's possible that they do care, hide that fact, wish to change, but can't figure it out. But, honestly, in my experience, I really sense no concern at all from those who do this consistently. That's the personality that really fascinates me if it doesn't affect me directly. Otherwise, it infuriates me. 

Still, to have a bit of it especially in the middle of the night so that I'm not dealing with a racing heart over dental appointments and watering the grass when I really know it's all about getting everything done - professionally and personally - to get out of town and catch my flight - would be kind of nice. 

However, the fact remains that in my world, you can't do justice to your cases or clients if you simply don't care enough to do what is required when it is required with the attention to detail that is demanded. And, for that sake - and my family's - I'll take the anxiety and staying up all night to get whatever needs doing done and endure the side-effect that this will manifest on small things as well, rather than not care or fail to do something that was necessary if it has to be a choice. 

And it does not seem to be a choice when it comes to what is naturally ingrained in someone. There does not seem to be a natural middle ground here for most. We can learn to modify things with a lot of work. But naturally, it seems we either worry all the time about everything or just don't give a rat's behind about anything. What a strange thing.

This musing is less judgmental than it sounds...on the whole. (Professionally, I have almost no tolerance for this on my side. When it's on the other side, it can be (but is not always) a gift but it still makes me wonder.) This is really more about the fact that people just fascinate me - even the ones with annoying traits. What makes them tick? Why do they do the things they do - both good and bad? I have a minor in psychology and took sociology as well. I'm very fascinated by the human mind. 

Thanks for reading!